


There You Are

by AdAstra_PerVerba



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, time skip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:33:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24005914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AdAstra_PerVerba/pseuds/AdAstra_PerVerba
Summary: “So,” Rei thought to himself, “this is what too late feels like.”
Relationships: Hazuki Nagisa/Ryuugazaki Rei, Tachibana Makoto/Nanase Haruka
Comments: 5
Kudos: 44





	There You Are

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Thank you for stopping by!  
> This is my first published piece and while I am super excited to finally get some stuff up here, I also am a little self conscious. I did have some great people beta this for me, but I am always looking for tips and tricks. Thanks again, and see you soon!

“I could go with you, you know.”

He said just a little too loud, pausing in his attempt to help Rei pack. Rei poked his head up over a stack of books he was packing; (and by packing he meant reading) and cocked it to one side, confusion flitting behind his glasses.

“But Nagisa-kun, I thought you were excited to go to cosmetology school?”  
He asked, closing the cover of the book he was “packing”. Nagisa looked down at his hands in his lap while they fiddled away at the hem of his shirt. He was excited, but-  
“There are cosmetology schools in Tokyo too. I could go there instead,” He ventured.

What was he doing? Now was probably one of the worst times to bring any of this up, and yet here he was, throwing all his cards on the table. A desperate gamble he should have taken a long time ago. What a lousy time to start listening to his feelings. A blush crept up his neck as he glanced at his hands, the bookshelf, the ceiling, anything but him. Rei gave a small smile, shaking his head;  
“You can always come visit, don’t worry. And I’ll be home for the holidays, so i can see you then too.”  
“But!”  
Nagisa started, his eyes snapping back to meet the pair peeping over his books.

_That’s....that’s not what I mean..._

Rei let out a laugh, readjusting his glasses.  
“I’m going to miss you too Nagisa-kun. But I promise I’m not going to disappear. Now, how have you folded those blankets? There’s got to be a way to fit them all in the same box...”  
he rambled on, ambling up off the floor. Nagisa blinked several times and took a deep breath through his nose, attempting to replace the air that had vacated his lungs. He felt hollow and empty, his heart plummeting into his stomach, his jaw clenching, as Rei continued on. So that was it, then. He tried very, very hard not to be completely crushed.  
He failed.

***

For a little over a week after Rei left, Nagisa had trouble sleeping. Every time his phone went off, his heart stuttered painfully in his chest, their conversations light and formal. He tossed and turned all night, in a perpetual foggy state of loss. He went to the pool for the free swim sessions at night, chatting with coach, trying to work off the grey cloud that hung over his head.  
Cosmetology school started the week after that, and as he settled into his new life, he found the group chat getting easier to read, the nights a little less long. Slowly but surely, he began to function again.

About a month and a half later, he got a text from Rei. His heart skipped a few painful beats, but he quickly shoved the hope that had bubbled up in his stomach back down, a new found sense of strength warming his fingers as he opened it.  
It was a picture of a box of chocolate protein powder, with a message about superior flavors underneath. He started to chuckle, a soft fondness spreading in his chest. Snapping a picture of the salad he had made for lunch, he was about to hit send when he heard a small chuckle from in front of him. He looked up, and saw a classmate standing there, his own bag lunch in his hand.

“I was going to ask if you wanted some company, but I’ll let you finish your photo shoot.”  
Nagisa sat up with a quick nervous laugh, rubbing the back of his head.  
“No no, you’re good! Please sit down.” He offered the chair next to him, sliding the phone into his pocket.

***

The first time they kissed, they both tasted a little too much like tequila.

Their lips bumped together, clumsily scraping against teeth. Ichigo’s eyes were so glossy Nagisa could see his own dark expression mirrored in them. His limbs tingled with all the alcohol and perhaps with something else that had lain dormant in him for the better part of a year.

The holidays had come and gone, but between finals and interning at a salon not too far from his house, he’d only had time for some Christmas texts. The clock had just struck midnight on New Year’s Eve, and all of a sudden, the club was way too crowded, the music way too loud. Ichigo wrapped his arms around Nagisa’s waist, not breaking the sloppy kiss, and before either of them knew it, they were stumbling out into the cool night air, hailing a taxi.

Nagisa woke up the next morning tangled in Ichigo’s sheets, blinking bleary eyes at the boy sitting cross legged on the floor, tapping away at a video game controller. A profound sense of guilt set in on Nagisa as he lay there, reeling in the quiet; not only could he not remember his first kiss, but he also couldn’t remember his first time being intimate with someone else. He found himself being immensely glad they hadn’t gone as far as they could have last night, that much at least he could tell. But judging by the hickeys littering his torso and the gentle ache in his thighs, they’d gone pretty far.

“Hey, good morning.”  
Ichigo said, noticing him looking out the window. He clambered up into the bed beside him and pulled him close, resting Nagisa’s head on his chest.  
“How do you feel? Your head okay?”  
He said quietly, nuzzling his nose into his honey blonde hair. Pushing everything away, he rolled to face Ichigo, kissing at the corner of his mouth. A small smile broke his face;  
“Yeah, I’m great."

***

Rei woke with a start as the sound of his alarm wormed its way into his head. He let out a groan as he stretched his back; falling asleep at his desk was definitely starting to take a toll on him.

He blinked the sleep from his eyes as he got to his feet, and stumbled to the shower. Fifteen minutes later, he was pulling on the outfit he'd laid out the night before, a towel wrapped around his head. The coffee pot had just finished brewing as he put his things in his bag, and he headed out the door for class. Makoto was at the train stop waiting for him, as he came jogging around the corner. Rei was infinitely glad that in the vast expanse of Tokyo, he had chosen an apartment not too far from Makoto's, meaning they got to see each other more often than the others.

Makoto smiled and waved as Rei approached, a warm sense of familiarity settling in his stomach. Moving to the city and taking the next steps in his life had been just a little bit easier knowing his friends were close enough more often than not for a morning coffee or an evening swim at the pool near Haru's apartment, when he wasn't training and Makoto wasn't working. When he had first arrived in Tokyo and realized how close he would still be to them, he had been overjoyed.  
However, as the first few weeks turned into a month, he found his good mood and optimism harder and harder to keep up. Every time he talked to Nagisa and the conversation stayed formal and distant, his heart sank. When he heard that their friend back home was communicating more openly and frequently with Makoto and Haru than with himself, he had gone quiet with an abrupt flare of jealousy. Makoto noticed the slight shift in Rei and gently steered Haru away from the topic, which Rei found he really appreciated.

They spoke of Nagisa less and less as Rei's conversations with him became far and few between, and they'd stopped completely after their friend had been too busy with his internship and school work over Christmas to see them. Rei knew Makoto could sense how much it hurt Rei and purposely kept any news of Nagisa to a minimum.

He had certainly taken the long way around, but he had discovered he missed Nagisa more than anyone in his life, and the idea that he no longer had any need of or interest in Rei kept Rei awake at night, his heart too sore to allow him some sleep. He hadn't slept in his bed for a month now, as the sun came up on the second week of February. He'd simply work and do other things until he was so exhausted he passed out, sleeping where he fell. There were thick, dark circles under his eyes as he caught up to Makoto.  
"Good morning, Rei-chan." Makoto greeted, smiling over his scarf. Rei smiled back, the roaring in his head calming just a bit.

***

Nagisa didn't know why he felt so guilty. He didn't owe Rei anything, and at some point he had to move on with his life, so why shouldn't he have found someone else?

Not like anything had ever come of him and Rei in the first place, so why, WHY, could he not look Rei in the eye?

The room was quiet and dark, the blind drawn against the fading afternoon sun. Nagisa puttered about nervously, picking up things and putting them down in other places. He could feel Rei's eyes on his back, could practically hear the gears in his friend's head working furiously. Ichigo's stuff was all over his room; extra shirts on the shelf, several pairs of shoes that were too big to be Nagisa's, a comb and a toothbrush sitting on the desk, a book left open in the rumpled sheets. The room reeked of his cologne and Nagisa's deodorant and the sex they had this morning.

Fighting the uproar of feelings in his gut, Nagisa turned to face Rei, his brow furrowed, his fingers fidgeting at the hem of his shirt. Rei simply stood in the doorway, looking all around the apartment. His eyes landed on the messy bed and Nagisa blanched as he caught Rei's eyes widen just a bit, suddenly remembering the bottle of lube that probably hadn't made it back to the bedside table. A blush erupted up his neck and over his cheeks as he fought to keep his breathing even, his eyes on Rei, waiting for the hammer to fall.

Rei shook himself slightly and brought his gaze back to Nagisa, catching the look of pure torment on his face.  
"Does...does he tr-treat you well..?" Rei asked softly, deciding to study the carpet. He chewed the inside of his lip as Nagisa's stance softened a little. He relaxed his arms against his chest and nodded.  
"I'm pretty sure he loves me." Nagisa replied after a moment.

It took everything Rei had not to react to that.

_So did I._

The air in his lungs disappeared. He nodded, keeping his expression neutral.  
"Good." He took a deep breath. "You deserve it." Nagisa tilted his head. Rei didnt know what that meant either.  
"If he hurts you..."  
Rei started, trying to find the right words to say, bile rising in his throat.  
"I'll have a big bad wolf threatening his house, huh?"  
Nagisa said, a shy curl playing at his lips, the look in his eyes softening. Rei managed a watery smile.  
"The baddest."

***

"Alright guys, please be safe okay?" Makoto said over his shoulder as Haru practically dragged him through the door. Makoto's cheeks were flushed and his eyes wide, a barely noticeable smirk playing at Haru's lips as he waved goodbye. Rei, Nagisa, Rin and Gou all waved back, feeling simultaneously bad for and jealous of Makoto. That poor boy was in for a long night. But something told them he didn't necessarily mind. Rin chuckled and stood, pulling a very tipsy Gou up with him.

"I'm gonna head out too, she needs to get home."  
He said, helping her into her shoes. He wrapped her coat around her and grabbed his keys.  
"Happy New Year!"  
He called as he hefted her out the door, Gou waving lazily. The two waved back, laughing as the door clicked shut, settling into the empty apartment.  
Silence stretched between them as they nursed their drinks. It wasn't uncomfortable, but it was certainly heavy. Rei ended up breaking first.

"I'm sorry Ichigo couldn't come."  
He said, clearing up a bit of the clutter on the table.  
"It's okay." Nagisa replied, stacking some cups.  
"The trip wasn't exactly something he could turn down when his boss asked him to go personally."  
Rei didn't miss the look in Nagisa's eyes that said it wasn't okay at all.  
"Of course, that's important."  
Rei said, hoping it would make the look go away.

He sighed as it got worse and Nagisa turned his head away, pulling his knees to his chest. Rei stood to throw away the trash. As he crossed the room, his hands full of dishes and cups, he saw Nagisa shift. He was holding himself tighter, his knuckles white. He dropped everything unceremoniously in the sink. Rei turned as Nagisa spoke, his voice barely above a whisper,  
"He's cheating on me."

Rei stopped, trying to keep the surprise from his face but found that difficult as he twisted from shock to a deep, quiet rage. He stared at Nagisa, looking for the right words, when he spied the tears crawling down his cheek. He wiped them away angrily, but not before Rei was across the room and on his knees in front of him. Nagisa blinked and buried his head in his knees, his shoulders shaking slightly. Rei's heart beat wildly at his ribs as Nagisa cried, anger coursing through him.

How dare he?  
How _dare_ he.

He brought shaking fingers to Nagisa's golden hair, brushing it back behind his ear. Nagisa lifted his head a little, and Rei pressed his palm to the side of his face, wiping a tear from his cheek. Nagisa leaned into the touch, his eyes squeezing shut, and Rei brought his other hand to the other side of Nagisa's face, stroking gently at his cheekbones. They stayed like that for a minute, neither of them knowing what to say. Rei scooted closer, shifting to sit on the floor. He pulled gently at Nagisa and the blonde complied, leaning forward and moving to rest against Rei's chest.

"How do you know?"  
Rei asked quietly, a hand coming to rest in blonde waves. Nagisa sighed.  
"There's no reason for him to be on that trip,"  
he answered meekly, counting the buttons on Rei's shirt,  
"there's plenty of other, more qualified people at his salon the owner could've taken. Ichigo is just an apprentice."  
Rei grimaced; if not concrete proof, it was definitely enough for suspicion. His heart broke.

They sat in silence for a long moment, Nagisa's shoulders still shaking with the continued onslaught of tears. Rei found himself holding back tears, too.  
"Come here,"  
he whispered, his heart picking up.

_Don't be stupid._

Nagisa looked up at him with big, sad eyes. He was unsure.

_I deserve that._

Rei didn't blame him; if Nagisa's journey this past year and a half had been anything like his - which he rather selfishly hoped it was, at least a little bit - then his closest friend had spent a lot of time trying to forget about him. Ignore the feelings he didn't understand.  
But that's where they were different. Nagisa did understand. He'd been exploring those murky waters with someone else; learning things about himself and trying new things together.

Jealousy bloomed in Rei's chest, hot and insistent, hollow. That boy didn't deserve Nagisa. Didn't deserve to see his smiles, hear his laugh; how dare he needle his way into Nagisa's life and disrupt it, how dare he break the biggest heart Rei had ever known?  
It burned him, ferociously, from the inside out. This anger was unparalleled. Yes it was because Nagisa was hurt, yes it was because he had been mistreated, but in Rei's heart of hearts, he knew he felt this way because he was jealous.  
Jealous that someone else had been Nagisa's first kiss. That someone else had been with him in his most vulnerable, intimate moments; had tasted his skin, held him at night, whispered in his ears.

Loved him.

Rei had missed all of that. This wasn't supposed to happen. They were supposed to move on to the next step of their lives together, supporting each other. Why hadn't it happened? Where was the choice that had changed everything? Was it at graduation, or during a competition?  
Realization dawned on him as he thought back over their interactions leading up to him leaving. It wasn't either of those things. He made his choice on a random day in June, sitting behind a pile of books. His heart sank.  
He had dismissed Nagisa so casually, oblivious to what his friend was trying to tell him. Life happens in the moments that you're not paying attention, apparently.

He was pulled from his thoughts as Nagisa clambered into his lap, curling up as best he could. Every inch of Rei's skin was alight where they touched. He hadn't been this close to Nagisa in a year and a half. So close, but they were still miles apart. He wrapped his arms around Nagisa, holding him to his chest as he exhausted his tears. Neither spoke for a long time.  
"I missed you."  
Rei tensed immediately, the comfortable silence they had fallen into evaporating as his stomach swooped.

_What?_

He swallowed thickly.  
"I missed you too,"  
he whispered back, unsure, leaning into the crown of Nagisa's head.

His scent was intoxicating. Earthy shampoo and deodorant and him. Rei breathed deeply, very quickly losing his grip on whatever tenuous control he had over himself and this situation.  
"You have no idea how much I missed you,"  
he murmured against his scalp, relishing the way Nagisa's hair tickled his lips as he spoke. It was fleeting, but he swore he could feel him shudder, excitement spiking in his own veins. Whatever was happening, whatever this was, "friendship" was no longer the correct term.

_Be careful. Beautiful things are the easiest to destroy._

"Yes, I do."  
Nagisa was so close Rei could feel his words flutter across the base of his throat. It was his turn to shudder, goosebumps crawling their way up his arms.

_I'd rather wreck everything than have nothing at all._

He paled, disgusted with his train of thought. He had to get out of here, he didn't know what was happening. He needed to stand up, move around, pretend he didn't feel like holding Nagisa was the one thing he had ever done correctly.  
There was so much - too much information for Rei to process, and then... his mind went blank. All thought came to a screeching halt at the gentle press of lips to his cheek. Soft, warm, nervous. Glorious.

_Rei The Destroyer._

Automatically Rei shifted his head and pressed a kiss to Nagisa's forehead, hoping the boy heard everything he couldn't say in the beating of his heart beneath his ear, the trembling of his fingers, how quickly he had returned the gesture. Instantaneously. Without question. Beyond the shadow of a doubt.

_I'm here. A year and a half late, maybe, but here I am._

Nagisa lifted his head to look at Rei, eyes still swollen from tears, and kissed him properly. Rei half gasped, half whimpered into Nagisa's mouth.

_Seriously? Get it together._

Burying his hands in Nagisa's hair at his temples, he raked his nails back over his scalp as Nagisa deepend the kiss. There was no thought, in this moment. There was just Nagisa.  
He made the same distinctly unbeautiful noise again. He didnt care what any of this meant, because he didn't know. He had no idea what the morning would bring, or what they were going to do after this, but it didn't matter. They were finally where they should be.

Nagisa pulled away first, catching his breath, smiling with swollen lips. Rei smiled back, dimly noting how hot his cheeks were, the odd angle at which his glasses sat on his nose.

"I always wondered what that would look like,"  
Nagisa panted, the tip of his tongue visible in his grin.  
"What?"  
Rei said intelligently, watching Nagisa's lips move but not hearing what he was saying. Through the lovedrunk haze he saw that some of the life had returned to Nagisa's eyes. Pride surged.  
"I said,"  
Nagisa replied, leaning in to capture Rei's lips once more,  
"I always wanted to know what you would look like all hot and bothered."

Rei had a reply somewhere, probably.

Nagisa gently pushed Rei back until he was on his elbows, expertly maintaining the kiss. It wasn't until Nagisa began peppering kisses across Rei's jaw and down his neck that Rei finally came to his senses.

He gasped and winced at the sensation; it was like the moment the water in a scalding hot shower became too hot to bear. He brought a hand to Nagisa's shoulder, preventing him from moving.  
"Stop,"  
he said, voice hoarse,  
"Nagisa, stop."

The blonde complied, sitting back on his haunches while Rei caught his breath.  
"We shouldn't - we shouldn't do anything else. Not right now. It's late and you're technically still with Ichigo, and...and this is a lot."  
He explained in a rush, having a hard time maintaining eye contact. The blonde stiffened and turned away, but Rei caught the disappointment on his face.

"No, Nagisa-kun,"  
he said quietly, sitting up. He grasped Nagisa's shoulders.  
"It's not what you're thinking. You're emotional right now and have a lot of things to work out with Ichigo as it is. I don't want to add any unnecessary stress for you."  
Nagisa didn't move, he just sat on Rei's knees and chewed his lip.  
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come here tonight."  
He said softly. Rei blinked.  
"What?"  
He asked lamely; he was doing a great job at sounding like an idiot lately.  
Nagisa shook his head, rose to his feet in one graceful sweep. Panic surged in Rei as his body immediately mourned the loss of Nagisa's.  
"You're right, we can't do this. I'm sorry I was so weak. It's just...I've always felt this way, about you."

The strawberry and citrus fireworks exploding in Rei’s chest fizzled, dangerously close to disappearing completely.

"I think I knew deep down that Ichigo was just a distraction, because...because you leaving just hurt so much."

_Hypocrite._  
_...how dare I._

"So I focused elsewhere, tried to move on...I was just looking for you in places I knew you wouldn't be. And this is what I get, I suppose. My punishment for loving you while with someone else is to know exactly what that feels like."

_Why is the truth always so ugly?_

He turned, grabbing his keys from the table, his jacket from the hook. He was leaving.

 _No_.

Rei wanted to scream, but didnt know what to say. He scrambled up off the floor as Nagisa slipped on his shoes.  
"N-Nagisa-kun, wait -"  
he started, tripping over the led of his tongue. Nagisa turned away, his face pained. He grabbed the door handle.  
"Nagisa please!"  
Rei sobbed, surprising Nagisa and himself. He turned from the door to see Rei standing there, in the middle of his little world, disheveled, tears in his eyes. His heart squeezed painfully. Rei took a step forward.

_Fix this. Try._

"I didn't say it then, that day in my room when you helped me pack. I didn't see what you were asking, what you were trying to tell me. I'm sorry. It's late, and I'm sorry for that too, but I am so, so sorry."

_I'll do whatever it takes to prove it._

Nagisa didn't move, watching Rei skeptically.

_Thank heaven. Just...just stay there, for a minute._

"I should have told you what I felt then, but I guess part of me didn't understand it until I didn't have you anymore. I was so used to having you by my side that I didn't realize what it would be like when you were gone. I...I fell apart, without you. But by the time I got my act together, you...Ichigo…"  
he trailed off, gesturing lamely.

_Please, hear me._

A moment of silence passed between them, before Nagisa shook his head.  
"You're...you're just saying that because of what just happened. I shouldn't have started that, I shoul-"

"Stop."

_Don't spurn me._

Nagisa's eyes widened; he hadn't heard a command like that ever come from Rei. He dropped his hand from the handle.

_Let me try again._

"Please, stop. It took me a long time to put that into words. I know it wasn't nearly as beautiful as it should have been, but...but please don't disregard it."

_I don't have the ability to do this twice._

Nagisa swallowed.  
"I won't,"  
he replied, stepping out of his shoes. Relief trickled down Rei's spine.

_I believe you._

"I'm saying this because I dont want to go another day in this stupid apartment alone. I need you, Nagisa. More than that, I want you. Stopping what we were doing was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, and that includes saying goodbye to you the first time."  
He smiled half heartedly.  
"Then why did you?" Nagisa asked, point blank.

_Idiot. You haven't earned his smile yet._

"I told you,"  
Rei said softly,  
"you're emotional right now, and I would never take advantage of that. Not to mention you still belong to someone else, as irrelevant a point that may be considering how he's treated you."

_I don't deserve to be greedy. But sharing you would kill me._

"This is everything I've ever wanted,"  
he closed the distance between them, taking Nagisa's hand.  
"And I can't afford to let it slip away again. And if we do do this, I want to do it the right way."  
Nagisa folded himself into Rei's arms, laying his palm flat to the taller boy's _chest._

_… thankyou._

Nagisa sighed.  
"You're right, I need to do it the right way. I need to cut things with Ichigo, move out… maybe spend some time by myself for a little while. But if I do that you have to promise not to pick up and leave again."  
Rei snorted.

_There is no power on this planet that could tear me away from you._

"I promise,"  
he replied  
"you do what you need to do. And when you're ready, I'll be here to add all the unnecessary stress to your life that you'll let me."

_Perhaps now.. ?_

Nagisa beamed up at him.  
"I can't wait to let you stress me out for the rest of our lives."

_There you are._

They both laughed at that, Nagisa slipping his coat off. He planned to stay a while. The sun rose, the snow fell, and the boys had come home.


End file.
